A Little Thing Called Love

Love. Just a four letter word but can give you a lot of meaning. Some bad. Some good. I've never blogged about my "love life" before because I think that I wasnt gifted to have one hahaha well maybe for now, that is. I do believe it can wait but waiting can be tiring. I mean who wouldnt self pity their own self seeing cute couples holding hands and being so damn sweet all around? I dont know if I still have feelings for this "ex crush" of mine because sometimes I feel all giddy when we get closer or talk, that butterflies in your stomach kind of feeling but I've struggled soooo much to avoid those freaking butterflies because I get all awkward and anxious then. Those butterflies in my stomach and sweaty palms have destroyed a lot of opportunities to talk to him and I still cant figure out if I regretted it or not. Firstly maybe because I think that it still wouldnt be worth it at all because I have no idea about all these love thing. I havent been in a real relationship or fling or whatsoever. But I aint a weirdo if that's what youre thinking! I got almost equal number of friends from both genders, I party with them, I joke with them and do stupid, crazy, random stuff with them and some guys would sweet talk to me and all these stuff but I dont think they mean what they said. Nowadays, real men are really in limited edition and maybe thats why girls play hard to get cause guys play hard to keep. Secondly, I try to avoid thinking of it but baby 'what if'. JUST. WHAT. IF. What if there couldve been something special between those stolen glances and all? Just the thought of those three words kill me inside. I drift my mind from thinking of those and wake myself to the reality that maybe I just made everything up in my mind. That theres nothing really special between us even though Ive found out that he used to think I was pretty but then too shy to text me. Maybe thats just all. And now I ignore every time someone would tell me how he looks at me while I wasnt staring and that one fucking time when I passed by the football field, he was going to say hi but I ran towards the main building to get my bag nervously cause I was too damn shy to say hi to him also. There was also one time when he chatted me and told me how he liked my hair and asked how he performed during a competition because someone said he over did it and mind you we're not close for him to ask me that! I mean he got his best friends to ask for so why ask me who's merely an aquaintance to him. I do try not to give meanings all to these things because that would be so lame and I dont ever want to assume. I think they are all just sweet talk and that damn boy got a honey tongue. Flirt.

Now moving on with that, theres this guy. I dont particularly like him but we're kinda good friends. Sometimes he's good and sometimes he's just a bad ass. You know, with all the drinking, smoking, being tough and all that man stuff. I dont know quite a lot about man stuff. All I know is that no one would dare have a fight with him. He is a guy I've almost grown up with. We're family friends and they used to joke about the two of us but I JUST DON'T SEE MYSELF WITH HIM SOMEDAY BECAUSE I THINK THERE WOULDN'T BE A CHANCE. He's just different now. We used to be best friends back in 5th or 6th grade and he would call me asking about home works or some things he'd like to ask, just normal things eleven year olds talk about. But then he transferred school. He came back last year when we're in 9th grade up to now. He is different from the good guy I would comfortably talk with about simple stuff. I mean, we still talk now. In fact, we're going to have a weekend getaway next Friday in San Joaquin cause my family got a beach house and they also got a business there. It's just a short distance from my house to his. We're planning to bring with us close friends.

Thats it. That's all I can talk about before I talk about this friend of mine. I'm just gonna shut the hell up before somebody I know reads this because it would be so obvious and it just isnt right to like him because.. *immediately zips mouth, locks it and throws key out of the window*. I know there wouldnt be anything special because well, nothing ever special happens. I just get my hopes down.